Saturday, October 20, 2012

The Girl I am Now....


I was always this far in life it hasn't gotten me much more than being hurt and used, spent like money, left alone to start over yet again...So now I'm the girl who would rather grow her own roses, spend Friday nights at home having a blast playing guitar like I'm entertaining at a party, would rather make people happy who are incapable of giving back but are appreciative and would if they could, would rather watch TV with my kids or a great friend, would rather stay up all night at my job knowing I am the one who has always provided for my family. I'm the girl who would rather hold the hands of children as they trust me to teach them new things. I'm the girl who promises to love myself, my family, friends and the sweet earth more than anyone could possibly dream of. I'm the girl who would give anything of herself to see the world smile...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Utterly Amazing...

I find it so utterly amazing 
the way in which life begins to richly unfold before you, 
when you simply open your mind 
and like a sponge become absorbent of all the new ideas 
and things going on and being said around you. 
Many people state "
When one door closes, another always opens" 
and thats truth...
but I believe, 
when you open one new door, 
a thousand windows in the room to which that door opens, 
also open,
 and a current rides in on the breeze 
carrying a million new opportunities, ideas, and lessons. 
You become like a blind man receiving his sight,
 suddenly being opened up and exposed to all the fresh knowledge around you. 
I know, because I am in the midst of this experience. 
I never would have imagined that a simple set of creative decisions, 
could lead me to a higher state of understanding myself and the universe around me...
to a hunger for unity between my own soul,
 my mind,
 and the entire earth. 
But that is what is occurring...
and it is unequivocally amazing...

Changing Beliefs

My views aren't changing...they're evolving
I'm not troubled...I am solving
I am thinking... I'm exploring
looking farther...not ignoring
I am growing...and i'm learning
for a deep truth I am yearning
just because some say its so
does not mean they really know
I must find... on my own
both the concrete and unknown
Feel the answers when they come
peaceful clarity...not numb
Love of of love
circles forming...light above
All together...we are one
on this rock beneith the sun.

-Kathleen M. Quinn-Farber

Doing Things For the FIRST TIME

When's the last time you ever did something for THE FIRST TIME??

Some ppl NEVER do things "for the first time"...
sadly, that used to be me as well...
but not anymore! 
I try to do things "for the first time" ALL the time now...
it's like a way of life thats necessary for my happiness,
 in fact its almost lik
e some sort of "drive"....

gee let's see ..

just in the last 6 mo. all for the first time, 

I've become a volunteer, 

talked on the radio, 

become an art n crafts teacher, 

grown new vegetables and herbs and used them all, 

been done up in extreme make-up and acted in a real movie, 

done 2 recorded video interview programs, 

met and spoke to celebrities, 

read poetry and sang and played guitar on stage in front of an audience, 

made new recipes, 

performed more skilled nursing procedures,

and for the very first time since the age of eighteen

I'm totally out of any relationship or even dating scenario!

I'm 100% just ME...and loving it!

 geez I'm sure I've missed something. Life is great :-)

Here to Explore

The world we live in is a vast array of infinite experiences 
and a constant opportunity to press against the "boundries" society places around us. 
The world we see around us is but a small portion of the world that exists within the capabilities of our minds. 
To ignore or deny such truths would be foolish. 
I was placed here to explore, 
but while I may not have the means to explore the world's physical terrain in the way I may desire to, 
I have the vast expanse of my mind to use as a portal 
to pass thru to myriads of experiences and insights into the universe around me 
and of which I am only a miniscule component :-)

The Difference Between Artists and the Rest of You

the difference between artists and what I call "regular people" 
and something that I just became acutely aware of while filling out a silly profile 
that asked my favorite music, movies, books and so forth...
"regular people" are happy enough just to "consume" what others give them, 
whether it be to listen to, 
watch or read. 
Favorite bands and music? 
Altho loving just about every genre, 
I most
 enjoy creating, playing and singing my OWN. 

Favorite movies? 

Love several types, and watching a movie is fun, 

but WOW, nothing comes close to BEING in one and being a part 

of the excitement that goes along with being involved in the making! 

Favorite books...many types, many titles...

but I've been writing my own fiction, nonfiction, poems, lyrics, articles, 


and that is where my passion lies. 


well for me just like real cooking, 

when it comes to all the afore-mentioned...

I'd rather be doing the cooking than the eating, 

the creating than the consuming, 

the feeding instead of being fed :-)

Encouraging Pride in Kids

my rambling thoughts while cooking.....

"and maybe if we caught the children in our town reeeally young, 
and we taught them SPECIFICALLY about the colorful history of our area, 
and we instilled pride and motivation in them, 
and encouraged their good deeds for others, 
and taught them HOW to do good for others (cuz sadly fewer and fewer are taught that anymore)...
exposed them to the culture our area pr

not a passing yearly field trip, but on a regular basis...

and we truly SUPPORTED their sports and music endeavors

 and allowed them to CELEBRATE their pride in their school and town...

MAYBE THEN would the youngsters grow into people who truly care about and have pride in

 this little town called Tamaqua...

and it will rise up and flourish (more so even than it is NOW due to recent dedicated ppl and programs)...

Thats what I'd like to see :-)"

Encouraging Young Talent

I don't EVER wanna hold my talented little boy back the way I was held back...
told my talents were "Good n nice" 
but not a real means of anything. 
Even if they never make me money, 
they make me something MUCH more valuable...
pride, joy, happiness, excitement....
the feeling of my heart pounding with joy abt something I LOVE! 
So if he wants to do drums (which he does) I will make it possible. 
If he 
wants to try guitar as well, I will not hold him back and say he must focus on just one thing.

 And if he wants to learn Ukulele, by george, I'll make that happen too.

 As long as he remembers that his education is also important, 

I will be the Mommy who stands in front of him to pull him along, 

the mommy who pushes from behind, 

the mommy who ALWAYS says 

"You CAN do anything you want!"...


Just sitting here pondering over the array of reactions I've been getting past 2 months concerning my zombie role in a movie...
from uproarious laughter 
to wide-eyed gazes, 
to outspoken rejections and opinions 
to really weird "OMG" faces. 
I especially find it interesting and just a little baffling
 that some people who otherwise appreciate the arts, 
seem to be at odds with this particular role. 

 its a      ROLE. 

I'm not worshipping the devil,

 dabbling on the darkside, 

abandoning my faith in the higher power of my understanding...

and I'm not going to chase you down the street and try to eat your brain lol. 

Nor am I a "zombie-freak." 

I am so excited about what I'm doing! 

Its fun and exciting, and its about the transformation with the art of make-up, the art of story-telling and the visual arts of film. 

Its about letting your wilder, crazier inner personality have an outlet that it seldom if ever gets. 

Its about getting a taste of the ins and out of indie film-making, and being part of a team of dedicated people.

 Its about a lot of hard work and a lot of fun, 

and about the pride and joy of seeing it come together with success and be talked about by venues of importance.

I understand this is not what you are accustomed to seeing from me, 

and maybe its unsettling. 

I'm sorry...

no, I'm not sorry, but I apologize, if it is offensive to any family or friends. 

I am going to continue doing what makes me happy, excited and fulfilled...

I may very well continue in the visual arts, and I DEF am going to continue all my writing and singing and guitar playing, and my interest in teaching the arts to children, and so on!! 


because the way I was living before, "inside the box" so to speak, and governed by others 

was offensive to ME...

and thats not me anymore. 

I don't have my balance in life even NEAR all ironed out yet, 

but my heart swells knowing and FEELING that I am finally on the right track.

 Thank you for all the family and friends who support all my endeavors present and future. 

My Value as a Nurse

Is my value as a nurse weighed really by my skill, or by my comfort and care to a family who trusts me with their child??

A few weeks ago, I pondered a question about my worth as a nurse...
whether it is measured by skill...
by earning power...
Well, it is measured by heart most of all ive concluded. 
When you give your best to care for someones child,
 only doing what comes as a natural part of caring, 
and from your heart,
 not expecting anything in return...
and a mother tells you she wants to thank you 
for that tender care you share and give to her child...
that to me is what measures my worth as a nurse.
 I really cant say there is a more heartwarming feeling... :-)

Appreciating Others

Sometimes the most valuable gift we can give someone,
 is a "Thankyou",
 "I appreciate you",
 "I agree with you"...
or a gesture of caring that reflects the true baseline relationship of love and trust between human beings.
 There are times our friends may be on the brink of desperation in their lives, 
and altho we may not fully know, 
our outreach of love and friendship is crucial...maybe to life itsel

 I think that beyond all the hype and confusion,

 and day to day static thats everywhere and between everyone, 

there is a baseline...

where one must love and support another. 

Hold them up and showcase how special they are...

how great a friend, or co-worker, 

or volunteer, 

or whatever it may be. 

Sometimes knowing you are just the slightest bit relevant to someone else or their lives, 

makes the decision for them




 "I feel like I can do this"...:-)

Trial and Error

Some ppl are nothing like you really thought they were, 
and some are so much more than you ever thought they would be or could be. 
Sad thing is 
you dont know who's who, 
and its by trial and error you usually find out...