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Monday, April 30, 2012

Time to set it to music...

So I spoke with James this AM, about the song we worked on together in 2007, and he made another suggestion or two...so I'm going to change it a bit and change the title...and its time to finally work up a melody...





LOVING YOU IS BREATHING IN
(a collaboration)

At times i feel locked in a shell 
everything is goin to hell
thoughts are spinning in my head
parts of me are feelin dead
Then the music brings me back
makes my sad, mad thoughts relax
and understand the sounds within
that loving you is breathing in
I feel a pounding in my chest
in my mind I'm free I'm free
I'm falling so in love again
with my guitar my dearest friend
chorus:
my solitary mate
my love
you talk to me
as I play you
my lover
my best friend
reflection of my soul
you play me
as I play you
And when the song and dance is through
and i am all alone with you
to dream and play and sing some more
to know what i've been searching for
i do feel love from those i hold
who make me warm when i am cold
and understand the sounds within
that loving you is breathing in
as notes n words surround me now
i rush to write all of them down
I'm falling so in love again
with my guitar my dearest friend
chorus:
my solitary mate
my love
you talk to me
as I play you
my lover
my best friend
reflection of my soul
you play me
as I play you

11/28/07 (revised 4/30/12)
kathleen m farber
james m balogach

In Love Again...

A song I wrote in collaboration with my friend James Balogach (of Poptart Monkey fame and later Shoot the Moon) back in 2007...its about falling in love...not with a person...but with your guitar :-)


In Love Again:
(a collaboration)
Sometimes i feel locked in a shell
like everything is goin to hell
and thoughts are spinning in my head
maybe i'd be better off dead
Then the music brings me back
and makes my sad, mad thoughts relax
to feel the pounding in my chest
in my mind I'm free I'm free
chorus:
my solitary mate
my love
you talk to me
as I play you
my lover
my best friend
reflection of my soul
you play me
as I play you
And when the song and dance is through
and i am all alone with you
to dream and play and sing some more
to know what i've been searching for
i do feel love from those i hold
who make me warm when i am cold
and understand the sounds within
that loving you's like breathing in
as melodies surround me now
i rush to write all of them down
I'm falling so in love again
with my guitar my dearest friend
chorus:
my solitary mate
my love
you talk to me
as I play you
my lover
my best friend
reflection of my soul
you play me
as I play you
11/28/07
kathleen m farber
james m balogach

From "Earth Hour" Mar. 29, 2008

Earth Hour...what we learned...
Tonight was when Earth Hour 2008 took place, from 8 to 9 pm. I heard about it several weeks ago and knew it was something I wanted to be involved with in some way. You see, I am very concerned about the earth I live on, ...worried actually, and feel as tho it is being horribly used and abused, spent, depleted...trashed. I continue to be amazed by the amount of people who dont care, or they may care, but dont give any thought to it...not enough thought to try to change anything. Even those who do care enough to maybe try to change something, are sadly thinking that they are just one person in a big wide world, and so what they do will ultimately mean nothing anyway...so why really try.
It was this thought process that brought about the concept of Earth Hour. It is a means of bringing together people...hundreds of thousands of them...all over the world, and having them all do one single act of conservation that will make them, as well as those observing, realize that a single candle is part of a far reaching bright light...one that CAN make a difference. Earth Hour is supposed to raise awareness of global warming...but it has a greater impact I think on our ideas about energy and its use...and misuse.
Perhaps next year I will get involved on a much higher level...I think its something I would love to do. My family has probably noticed I talk more and more all the time about "going green" and becoming someone who does not want to take from the earth without giving back...someone who does not WANT to take anything from the earth that I can not replace, and someone who just wants to become more "as one and at peace with" the earth. Many people think this is "looney"...oh well...please dont ask me if I care what they think... But anyway, for THIS year, I decided to keep it at home, in my own family. I wanted to do it for my own satisfaction, and also to make an impression on my youngest son, who is 6 yrs old and at his most impressionable right now.
A few days ago I started talking about Saturday night and what we were going to do...and why. The first thing I noticed was that in telling my kids to turn out lights when not in use, or TVs and stereos, I realized I leave things on MYSELF alot more than I thought. My awareness was already beginning! The next thing I noticed was how receptive my child was to the ideas I was presenting. I know ALL kids would be. We sometimes mistakenly think that because they are presented with ideas and things at school, that they are learning them. We seldom realize that we as parents are their greatest teachers and influences...and kids are our greatest imitators.
Tonight we turned off our lights, TVs, computer, and music...for a solid hour. I had run to the store for a few fresh candles in pleasant scents to burn, and stopped to put gas in the car. I ran into someone I miss and havnt seen in some time, and oh how I wanted to stay and talk...but what was happening tonight was really important, and I had to be home by 8pm. And so I rushed home and got inside at almost 8, having just enough time to set up my candles. There on the sofa sat my little Nicholas, and on TV was something he has been waiting impatiently for all week...The Nick Kids Choice Awards. In an instant I felt alittle crushed . He had a big smile on his face as he watched. I said "Its time", lit the candles and went room to room turning everything off....everything but the livingroom TV Nick was watching so adoringly. I couldnt do it. I began to feel alittle weak, ashamed kindof, and began to wonder if my message would still be effective if we allowed the TV to remain on for him.
At that moment something incredible happened as I sat down saying nothing. The room went black except for the flicker of the three candles on the diningroom table. Nick had turned off the TV.
You need to understand what this meant to me...because it is REALLY big! It meant to me, that what I had explained to my child, was understood and appreciated. It meant that he at his tender age could understand on some level the meaning of sacrifice. It meant that he was able to, and DID, make a choice, without being told to or asked to. It meant that this whole global thing that someone came up with, impacted at least two lives that I was sure of...mine and my son’s. It was beautiful actually...touching...and so very important and meaningful. My heart continues to swell as I think about it.
So, we sat in the darkness gazing over the candles. We talked about alot of things in that hour...and learned alot. We talked about energy and waste, polar bears losing the ice they must live on, water rising to where it shouldnt be, the world growing too hot. We talked about our ancesters and how they didnt have the luxuries that we do, and how they didnt waste things when food and money were scarce. Then we spent alot of time making shadow animals on the walls in the flamelight, and we laughed alot. We watched our cats and dog stalk eachother in the dark. We watched how melted wax collected on the plate around the candles. Nick learned how there were three shadows cast of everything because there were three candles and light sources, and also how the shadows moved to the opposite sides of the ceiling when the candles were moved in the other direction. At five minutes to nine we were melting a crayon into the flame and observing what it did, and when it was time to put out the candles, Nick learned that a soda bottle upside down over the flame took away its oxygen and it smothered. We learned sooo much and it was almost a shame to end our lesson...lol...and then I realized...it WONT end. Nick said he will be careful now about turning off lights and TVs. He talked about all of this right up until he fell asleep tonight.
I so hope that the wave of chosen darkness that swept the world tonight, makes the difference to other families that it has to mine. You know, we must care for our earth...especially those of us with children. It is irresponsible to use use use and not put back. It seems far off, but it isnt...the damage is occurring as we speak. And everyone of us is a candle lighting up a small part of our world. Everything we do makes a difference...and what happened tonight in my home PROVES it. A little boy gave up something he really wanted to do, because he believed that something he was going to do instead, would make a difference. Now it is my responsibility, and every one of our responsibility, to make sure that little dream stays alive in him, and in everyone...as Cameron Diaz says..."We are the future and the future is bright!!!"
Earth Day is coming in late April...and I put forth a little challenge for you...to try to make a small difference...teach a child to make a difference.
Dare to be one candle.

Affirmation...

This beautiful affirmation was written by a friend of mine back in 2008, for me. Glenroy Wolfson, an older gentleman out of NJ who I initially met in a Lyme Disease support group, but who became a confidant with whom we shared our writings, knowledge and feelings. I still read this affirmation, because I was in the midst of making a drastic change concerning my failed marriage, and it still gives me encouragement to this day...



I am ultimately more than I have been given credit for.
My life is creative and alive.
These gifts effect everyone who knows me or hears from me or is in contact with me.
It shines through me always.
Even when I don't believe anymore-it is there.
Even when someone else might not believe-it is there.
Even when someone else might ask me not to believe-it is there
Even when people treat me as if I am not who/what I am-it is still there.
And myself-the precious original and unique and only one who is or ever will be me
And myself-guardian of the beauty and the love and the life...
will never give away a shred except to share it whole and as it is
I wont let lesser people dampen the flame.
I have the right to feel how good it is in me, and through me, and of me.
This makes the *me* in and of myself, so special.
It comes to others in all I write and say and sing and play.
How thankful I am that the creative spirit found a temple so beautiful and worthy.

-Glenroy Wolfson

Dreaming

In your arms
was where I felt safe
and could rest
with the abandon sleep is supposed to be.
It wouldnt have mattered if we ever touched again,
I thought then,
as long as I could lie close to you
and feel your breath mix with mine.
For the minutes and hours,
days, weeks, months, years
passed too quickly
when we were together.
But I can still close my eyes now
and imagine you
next to me.
I can leave this place of judgements
and drift out into the sea
away from all of that
where its only you and I
in my dream,
but your presence so real
that when I close my eyes
it is your eyes that are closing,
and when my hand rests on my tummy
it is your hand that I feel...

KMQF 4/30/12

SPRING...

From April 2010...

Its Spring finally...a time of cleansing and renewed hope for all creatures, including the least of us...human beings.
For me it is time to reflect on who I am, what i've become, where i'm going. What have I done good...what have I done not so well with.
What are the truths I've accepted as well as denied.
The truth is not always easy to look at...but it is certainly necessary to view in order to change.
Change...usually difficult to initiate...but almost always well worth the decision to follow through with.
Today there are several people close to me, including myself, who are boarding the plane destined to change.
In this season upon us now...a season of change from dorment to alive,
hopeless to hopeful,
meloncholy to happy,
I wish for myself and all those dear to me,
courage
hope
strength
and the spirit of our universe to touch us all...
and to help us see ahead to the better people
we are capable of being...
not just for ourselves,
but for the innocent young lives who depend on us for wisdom and guidance.
And let us be thankful to anyone along the way
who cares enough to gently push us on the way down our paths to change.

Random Thoughts tonight

4/30/12
Thinking...some random thoughts tonight:

*My 10yr old has a genuine inborn talent for playing drums. He amazes me when I watch him...I need to cultivate this ASAP, and not let it lay dormant and undeveloped like I did so many of my own talents...

* Back in Feb. my dear cat Chase almost died, and dropped a pound from 14 to 13lb...doesnt seem like alot but its abt 10% of normal body weight. Well I... thought he looked a tad chunky so I weighed him...he weighs 15.6lb now!!!

*I've got a real problem with procrastination and motivation...but i'm tryin...

*I don't play WELL, but what I DO play on my guitar and sing, soothes my soul and makes me feel great...and that's what music's for...

*I've got pictures and cards hanging in my bedroom that I really should take down, but can't seem to...maybe others call it living in unreality...I call it missing someone I will always love...and I'll deal with that in MY time and no one else's...

*I wanna paint my bathroom...for starters...but I wanna paint ALL THE ROOMS...redesign, change my scenery,cut down clutter, go back to simpler...

*I always dreamed of sharing my love for art with kids somehow...I just realized I am actually achieving a dream...

*I have many really good friends, both old ones and new, and many acquaintences...as I get older it becomes easier to distinguish between them...

*I should have been born roughly 10-15yrs earlier than I was...I am more and more of an activist for many causes...unfortunately protesting in the streets is a thing of the past. I dont think it should be. Maybe ppl would wake up and listen...

*There are true gentlemen left in the world...young guys should be taking lessons...

*I am both very complicated yet very simple...

*I hate that ppl don't accept others for whatever race or sexual orientation they are...why are ppl so damn shallow?...

*There are solutions at our fingertips for the situations the world and the country are in...but it doesn't seem like anyone wants to hear it...money and fear speak volumes about ppl...

*My pets are my family...

*I worry too much...or maybe not enough, abt my kids...not sure which...

*I have never really been completely just ME since the age of 14...always had a relationship...and mostly bad ones. It feels good to be free and determined to live for myself and my family...not giving that freedom up...I waited too long and worked to hard for it...

*by the same token I so wish I could go back in time...

*I need a bucket list...

*I have to start writing EVERY DAY again! Even if its just a small verse or poem or thought. I need to visit my writing blog daily...