Saturday, February 22, 2014

How it Is

I can accept everything about you...
your quirks, idiosyncrasies, 
your zany mood shifts from one thing to another... 
the way you run your hands thru your uncombed hair at times and look like the mad scientist you are...
the way you talk like a muppet if ur nervous..
.the hours spent working on a painting, or a song..
.the way most people can't even begin to get a grasp on who you are..
.I love it long as you can accept me...
I get sad sometimes and I don't know why,
 so don't ask, 
there is no definable reason, 
just hold my hand and wait... 
Sometimes I get really pissed and I yell, but not often, 
and always after a slow burn that intelligent ppl should recognize way before that happens;
 it takes a lot to put me over the edge...
I have a tendancy to develope odd attachments to animal-life..
.insects, reptiles, and of course all warm-blooded beings, 
I will seek them, 
bring them home, 
study them, 
and learn what they mean to my individual life....
.and lastly, My kids come first, 
even if they are not particularly in the right,
 i'll listen to reason, but...
 (scared yet?)
Know that i've waited my whole life for someone who feels perfect on all levels to me. 
Something that feels right
feels like this..

What Love is For

This is what love is for...
not just for comfort and companionship,
but a way for two like souls
to come together
as one
as strength,
a magic,
to fortify one another
in all they desire to be and do...


Slippery Slope

Tis a slippery slope,
this falling sort of thing...

a wonderful, magical, nearly fearless
slippery slope...


The Sun Will Rise

And just now to slow it down
take it easy
bring it round.
There's no rushin the sun as it breaks into day.
Help me take a step back
taste the flavors
not just throw back.
Many days the sun will rise this way.

There's a need to take your time
when your heart
is on the line.
And its been so long since you've felt this way.
Don't go runnin down a dirt road
missing flowers
that were just sowed.
If you wait awhile you'll keep the night at bay.

So don't go hurrying through the good stuff
the fun
and full of thrill stuff.
There's only so much hours in this day.
Let your friendship grow together
smile and love the
sunny weather
The sun will rise again like this every day.
Oh the sun will rise again like this every day...


Saying the Right Things

Some people try so hard to say the right things
some say the right things without trying.
It isn't about what someone wants to hear
saying what you feel without measure.
Any guy can convince a girl he's her prince with much talk,
She'll simply know who he is because his few words say something...


Friday, February 21, 2014

His Hands

His Hands 

His hands create works of art,
one brush in one,
two in the other.
Who DOES that?
They can grasp simple wood
and bring life to a beat,
or dance on strings
creations of music.
One finger can touch
to his temple or chin
as he thinks.
Solving a mystery.
Poised with pencil
ideas flow down
from heart to fingertips,
paper his canvas
His hands in themselves,
a work of art
chiseled and crafted
tools of wonder and
He can touch nearly anything
making it spring to life.
He can even touch a heart.
That's why I love
his hands...


Later Love

Later Love

February 21, 2014 at 5:43am
It's funny about new love when you're a tad older. It amazes me how a brand new romance can feel the same at fifty as it did at fifteen. The butterflies, the breathlessness, the heady feeling day in and day out. The anxiousness to be together and the sweet sorrow at parting. Just when you think those experiences have escaped you, you find with sheer delight that the battered, bruised and worn out heart in your chest, can still pound with frenzy at the touch of his hand, glance of his eye, sight of his smile and mention of his name.
Older love does have its unique differences though. Rather than under the watchful and critical eyes of parents, your new beau is being monitored by your children. Just as it was with mom and dad, there's still an underlying fear of falling short of expectations.
There is no curfew as the rules are your own for the making, however you really still aren't free at just any old time at all to pick up and go. You've got big girl responsibilities now...major ones.
But remaining the same will be the feeling of the stolen kiss out of sight of others. The need to hide it does not exist anymore, but the excitement it brings indeed still does.
The older romance has a bittersweet tone... celebratory in that the hope for everlasting happiness is not lost, however knowing when you look adoringly at this man you love, that what stretches out before you both is a remainder of your lifetimes and not seemingly endless ones. You are conscious of the bitter fact while watching him converse with your children, that you and he will never share the tender moments of first seeing and holding your own infant together.
But love remains grand and glorious, and especially pungent when you'd given up hope of ever finding it again. After resolving and later accepting that you never were going to walk hand in hand on the street with a partner, or spend the evening in a lover's arms again...
Yes this love is bliss. 

Love Finds You When You Cease Looking

Love Finds you When you Cease Looking

February 19, 2014 at 11:46am
      A little over a year and a half ago, my friend Justin put out a casting call for a local horror movie that was being filmed in and around the Tamaqua area.  I found the call for people to be "zombies" very intriguing and decided to take part, since I knew it would be fun, something new for me, and another way to explore a new venue in the arts.  I had a great time, being done up in make-up, learning how to "act" like an undead, and taking part in the acting, filming, and ultimately the seeing of the behind the scenes activities coming together to make a movie.  I met TJ that first day, as he shuttled us back and forth from the woods to the make-up trailer.  Justin had already told me much about his friend TJ, about the discussion of the script Justin had written years earlier, but also about the person TJ artist, musician, budding scientist and inventor, being educated and having a doctorate.  Of course I was exposed to him only occasionally throughout the filming, which carried over into the summer of 2013 as well.  I remember most just his friendly smile. We talked briefly on Facebook occasionally, about the film...sometimes art or music.
      TJ crossed my mind here and there. I found him to be a very interesting individual.  Of course my thoughts never went farther than that, as he had a domestic attachment anyway.  Months wore on. I learned through mutual friends that he was alone at last, and pursuing work out of state...a dangerous job of climbing and working on cell and radio towers. We continued exchanging pleasantries here and there. Sometimes I felt close to him, seeing as he seemed to be hurting alot over situations and things of that nature.
      The time came this past October for our movie to be shown in Angela Theatre to a limited crowd of people...mostly participants actually. I'll never forget him making an entrance in this wild plaid suit, a red bow tie and dark sunglasses. His animated behavior, and that was a night to remember for all of us who took part.
      Autumn and Winter came...the coldest Winter in years. I was busy working on my own projects and basically on myself as a person. After so many awful heartbreaks and abusive, sad situations in my life, I was free and determined to stay that way. A couple times over that 2 years I came close to considering allowing the opposite sex to get near, but in the end, it didn't feel right, and frankly, I just didn't want it. I STILL didn't want all...up until a short few weeks ago. I busied myself teaching my little art class for kids, and volunteering in my community with different things. I succeeded in overcoming stage fright and played and sang at the art center, and even had a real gig at Stonehedge last summer. I was happiest I'd ever been in my life.
      A large monetary donation to the center allowed for central air to be installed and a grand-spankin new stage to be built for our musicians and drama to use. There was talk of an event at the end of February...a dedication of the stage, music, etc. TJ kept crossing my mind. How nice it would be to show him what we offer at the center since he was home on winter lay-off anyway, and I toyed for several weeks with the idea of inviting him as my guest. Oh I was scared to ask. I wasn't raised to do the asking, but its 2014. What could possibly be wrong with a woman inviting a man on a date?  Finally I got the nerve to ask him, very sure he would not be interested and make an excuse. But he accepted with enthusiasm! He said he'd be honored to accompany me and to consider it a fun evening.
      What transpired next continues to baffle me a bit. If I was asking him "as a friend" as I'd specified, why then was I suddenly feeling so excited?
      Well, we began talking on Facebook nearly every night...then every day and night...getting to know each other. Something happened...I don't know quite how...but we started seeing common things with one another...beliefs, ideas, desires for life, art, music, things having to do with just about every facet of living. An affection started to grow. A definite chemistry was present. Through all the talking we both insisted to eachother, as well as friends and family, that there would never be romantic relationships returning to our lives with others. It became a playful daily discussion about ways to fend off the Valentines Day cupid...ways to murder him even lol. In all honesty, I don't know who we were trying to convince more...others or ourselves. One night talking he invited me to join him at the pub for a beer, but I was unable to go. After more nights of talking, we decided we would go on a Saturday night.
      I was incredibly nervous walking in, and I later learned, so was he as he sat there waiting. He masked his nervousness in his usual way, talking in an animated fashion, fast at first, but eventually slowing down. We talked for several hours over our Guinnesses. The colorful stories of his life and times fascinated me, but it was the kind and gentle heart and soul inside him, that resonated with me. There was no touch, and no talk of "us"...just a very pleasant evening chatting and listening to music. But I had this undeniable intuition while sitting there with him, that we were somehow destined...that this night was simply a stepping stone into something that would continue on and on. I didn't say that, and neither did he, but it was an unmistakable sense.  He insisted on walking me home blocks and blocks through the newly fallen snow. A perfect gentleman, a simple hug before he left. I watched him walk down my alley and called out to him, saying Thankyou when he was halfway down.
      Something happened in that pub that night. That fictional cupid character we both dreaded, must have been there with us, arrows ready. That evening I could not sleep...could not chase him from my thoughts. Our following conversations turned to more serious subjects...things that are important in relationships. Details and feelings. Like the ebb of a tide, I felt we were being washed away. As I succombed to the emotions, so did he. This was a beautiful soul I had crossed paths with.  The wonderful soul that poetry and literature promises...the soul that is like your own. The soul great writers write about...whom musicians feel in their hearts while writing music, the soul an artist trickles down from his heart, to his hand as he paints.
      He wrote that the cupid had struck him...he'd struck me too.
      Whirlwind romance is common among teenagers and celebrities. It is something that commonly ends in failure because it is based in lust. But this feels so different. It feels like the communication between souls, between two people...two people who are good and have been crushed time and time again...and who desire the same things. Its akin to being lost for an entire lifetime, then finding your home. It is an undescribable I am unfamiliar with after all these years of struggles, but one which just feels "right."
      Honesty and sharing...priceless in this situation. The bravery to explicitly describe what one wants out of life, and if given, a relationship.

      I feel I have found my soulmate...I have somehow stumbled upon a simple man, but whom is an intricate design. I love everything about him. He is zany, intelligent, down to earth, good-hearted.  He's kind, loving, sensitive.  He's got a colorful personality...kind of crazy, definitely unique. These are the things I've searched for...someone who will allow me to chase my dreams, while trusting me to let him chase his. He is passionate about his art: paintings, music, inventions. He looks "off the wall" at times...and I absolutely can't get enough of it. He inspires me. He is the piece of the puzzle that I accepted long ago, was lost forever.  

      The best thing, perhaps, is that he looks into MY heart and soul. He sees who I was created to be...not what time and misfortune has made me. He sees the love I am looking for, but also to give. He sees me.

    And now we belong to one another...

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


Relationships can be like two trees 
growing side by side in the forest, 
each striving for the sun, 
each growing taller and taller, 
as they are crowded out by their counterparts,
their partner 
as well as all those around them,
always reaching higher and higher,
the tiny limbs of self-exploration
inching up the woody stem,
until one wins
and one loses
submitting and bowing head
as the stronger
(or luckier)
reaches the sun,
while the other nearly dies.

Or it can be a nearly futile battle...
where a strangling vine
from the ground
smothers one completely,
but still it thrives,
completely independent of itself,
and others.

But it can also be like two wild mustangs,
roaming free...
together, yet apart.
A team together
and a team when alone.
Exploring and loving,
Experimenting and living.
Dreams, aspirations...
but coming together when needed
into the herd
like a flock of birds
to share the happiness.

This is what I think it should be....


Sunday, February 9, 2014



I dreamt of a face
passing beneath the door frame,
lighting up the room
like it does
with bright eyes and grin,
turning heads.
Not mine. 
I'd been already watching
and waiting.
I'd seen the sadness
in eyes and words
but not this night.
Reaching for his hand,
just a playful touch
like children at the park
"Would you push me on the swing?"
Such great care taken
each time
meeting his eyes with my own.
Not wishing for him to see
something that wasn't there,
or something that was.
I dreamt of a face.
This morning I smiled...


Thursday, February 6, 2014


That time in my life is over
Its not that it should just is.
Everything has a price.
What I received in enjoyment,
cost a lifetime of hurt.
Quite not worth the tears.
The young enjoy frolics and play...
I enjoy finally being untethered.
I go through my days now looking upward...
for me.
A son says,

"Dont be alone forever.
Bring home someone who is right."
I say, "I'm not alone at all....
I have myself and a whole world to tackle."
No time for saving water....