Saturday, May 3, 2014

TOGETHER NOW





                                                                    TOGETHER NOW

Through so many storms
Wind, rain
Lightening and thunder
Crashing
Like cars in a pile-up
Juxtaposed segments of my heart
Scattering...always scattering
Here to there
Everywhere
My soul unwinding
Ball of yarn
Spool of thread
Tangled life
How it was...
Then I found you
Always there
So close
Two people slipping past
One another
Each encased
Fog of our own
Just a glimpse
But never a thought
We didn't know
Words exchanged
Not strangers
But neither friends
Only connections
Subtle messages
Something spoke
Some voice inside
Say it
Be a fool
Take the chance being vain
Fib to yourself
if you must
Reach out
And the fog cleared away
Something happened
A feeling
Familiarity
Though quite impossible
Seemingly
My soul like a ship
To your soul a harbor
And the circle of your arms
Our kinship
How did it take so long
Yet tumble so swiftly
My heart into your hands
Yours into mine
A knowing
Ive known forever
Only not knowing when
Or why now
Seems like you've always been
Just beyond my clouds
Waiting with my sun
To warm my cold
and tired life
Until that moment
And now
I cant recall 

you not being there
How odd
To once be so alone
But never lonely
And now I only want
You in my life
Always
Because we belong here
In this journey
Together now...

K.M.Q.F.
4/30/14

Love is Blind Faith






I think one of the most frightening things in the entire universe, 
is to allow your broken heart out of its safe haven where no one could ever touch it again, 
and expose it one last time to the caress of love; 
one of the bravest things a human being can ever do, 
is to begin removing bricks and taking down barriers that were piled repeatedly higher and higher 
with every hurt, 
every angry word and action 
and every proof given time and time again 
that love equals pain. 
To trust when someone whispers
 "I love you," 
that they are sincere.
 Love is after all, blind faith...

The Rest of my Days








I want to spend the rest of my days on this rock,
happily bouncing through stores and mundane places,
laughing and acting silly,
riding shopping carts through parking lots,
making faces
and sticking our tongues out at one another in public places, 
watching coffee pots fill in the morning, 
cooking cool things with constant interruptions for hugging, 
sitting up all night in bed
doing nothing in particular but our own stuff,
but doing it together, 
debating things with the seriousness of a world summit,
then dismissing it because its really not as interesting
as noticing every fleck of color in a Spring sunset, 
looking into each others eyes
and seeing our own souls staring back, 
holding one another close needing no words at all
when emotions are joyously high or solemnly low, 
watching you quiver with delight at your first morning sip of joe
or the passion of our touching, 
listening to the sound of your voice reading your writings
or talking about your interests, 
feeling your eyes follow me across a room
even though I cant see them, 
being completely wrapped in your arms
whether in the center of a crowd
or alone in bed skin to skin, 
hearing you call me beautiful
even when I look like hell warmed over...
I want to spend the rest of my days 
both of us whispering "I love you."






OUR SENSE of CONSCIENCE






Our Sense of Conscience

The human sense of conscience should be held very sacred, as well as consciously dwelled in, cultivated and fertilized frequently with mindful exercise. 
It is healthy and good conscience which guides human beings to do right, be honest and strive for better for others and themselves. The lack of conscience causes dishonesty, disregard and the following of harmful paths.
Pain is not always a bad thing. When you are told, hear, read or are indirectly shown something, and it causes that stabbing ache in your heart because you feel guilt and know you must change something in your life...that is good pain. That is good conscience and why humans possess it. That is motivation.
Therefor...premeditated guilt beforehand is conscience...guilt afterward is shame.
The job of the human conscience is to prevent the following of bad by encouraging the doing of all things only good. The conscience is the human guide. Although it may hurt sometimes, learn to listen...

-K.M.Q.F.
4/22/14

ANGER






Anger is an extremely strong and complex beast. 
It is also very tangible in that although it can be hidden or denied for some length of time, its existance is not reduced. Its shape and shell are merely temporarily colored. 
It is often fueled by pain and fear, and grows layers upon itself...layers of resentment, as the beast lies in wait to be unleashed, and enjoys devouring your peace during the interim. 
The animal always shows itself eventually. It is in fact a necessity that it does. To stay buried is to allow an aggressive cancer to take harbor in your soul...to give permission for your own life to be increasingly poisoned.
Unfortunately in our society, expression of anger is frowned upon. It makes others overbearingly uncomfortable. No one likes hearing it vocalized or seeing it manifested in writing, and they certainly do not wish to see it physically exhibited. 
Yet anger is as natural an emotion as any other. And it is a major one. And it must be expressed then let go.
It is easy to judge someone else's angry feelings...even easier to judge someones expression of them. 
But every individual is first of all, very different in how they process their feelings of anger, hurt, fear and resentment. 
Most people have "knee-jerk" reactions to it ...an instantaneous vocal backlash or impulsive physical reaction. 
But many of us strive to be strong and positive in the face of what angers us. We put it to the side in order to focus on the immediately at hand.
 It sits on our back burner...and do not be fooled...it sits there bubbling. 
In the end it must come out. 
Often it exhibits in some uncharacteristic manner that has a few moments of shock value. 
Its the nature of the beast. 
AS LONG AS NO ONE IS HARMED, it remains merely the expression of intense anger. It feels different and is dealt with differently by every person. The process might appear confusing and slightly mad to onlookers. 
Even so... No one should be judged for that...

Friday, April 18, 2014

PLACING THE PENNY




  On a mildly peculiar train of thought I've been on, I got to thinking how much I believe increasingly, that we all may have destinies. Well, perhaps not "written in stone" destinies that occur no matter how we seek to block them, but just the same, destinies, that this wonderful universe we live in, steers us toward...sometimes ever so subtly, or perhaps more aggressively. Sometimes this "track" is established early on in life as we move toward goals, but being human as we are, and notorious for interfering in our own good, sometimes it takes a "round about" route.
    I keep thinking of a skipping record for some reason, with the universe's wish for all human beings (as well as all creatures) to be happy and achieve a state of peace and satisfaction. The "skipping record" concept, I believe, is present for us all. It is evident in the way that we sometimes continue repeating the same mistakes until finally the lesson is learned. 
    This "skipping record" concept though, has become very apparent to me, in the culmination of seemingly small instances, that passed by me nearly unnoticed, but in retrospect, were clearly being shown as a path that I believe my higher power was mapping for me...trying to steer me toward. 
    When I was a little girl, I remember my dad always placing a penny or two on the cartridge that holds the needle at the end of the tone arm. It sometimes assisted in keeping the "needle" in the "groove" in order to maintain a continuem of the music. I think we need to sometimes place those pennies there...to straighten out our thinking, our lives.
    I am entertaining these realizations at this time, because it seems somewhat surreal to me, how very much my "placement of pennies" has helped me see my road to happiness more clearly. I can "see" the "skipping" of the record now looking back. I am suddenly aware of the fact that there has been a force at work in my life...you call it what you desire to, and so will I...none of us really knows. 
    Two years ago I was put into closer contact with someone I'd heard of, but in no way knew. Through an endeavor...one which was shown to me as a way to expand my horizons, have some fun, enjoy my newfound freedom. Fleeting thoughts of admiration.
    Skipping record...association with a friend of a friend...on two seperate occasions...contact later leading to more contact.
    Of all the people I come into contact with in this town of myriad strangers to me...why these?
    Meeting people you really don't know at all...but suddenly in the midst of things...all making sense.
    The universe is a strange thing indeed. Finding the greatest gift on earth, besides the health of my family...a "skipping record" that repeated over and over in subtle ways, until some blatent sign just had to present itself (because I am somewhat thick-headed)and I now realize that my universe has a distinct desire to make all beings happy and satisfied...as it did me...and we all but need to be receptive...
    
    

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

COFFEE PROMISE





COFFEE PROMISE
Sleepy smiles and morning kisses; 
I remember
the first time,
bringing it like a warm sweet drug,
A cup hot to touch...
A hug warm and happy...
Eyes looking at you
whispering love,
as lips say thank you
And hands reach out.
Brought not due to requirement
but due to want...
Desire.
Not every morning the sun will shine.
We will get rained on.
It happens...
But no matter what any day brings,
Or how any night unravels
in good or bad;
No matter if there's ever
a quarrel,
or mistaken hurt feeling...
I will always bring that hot cup
Every morning I wake
and you're beside me...
A symbol of my love,
and of bright new mornings,
a vow...
Like old people never going to bed angry,
And never withholding "I love you"
A promise of always...



-K.M.Q.F.
4/15/14