For the Lost Love, and the New...2009

     For the Lost Love..                                           

The sun will rise soon, as it has been doing

for as long as I can remember

Maybe my hopes should be based

on such unimportant and unnoticed

certainties

and not on trivial things

like lost love.

So leave my life quickly

as quickly as you came

Give me pain and desolation

as intently

as you first gave love and lust.

Dont let me fall apart

Go...leaving a crumbled me.

And who will say

the final goodbye first?

Me and my pain

or you and your fear?

To love is to be vulnerable

to love you anymore

is to be dumb

and blind as well.

I have finally realized this:

Its always you n you n you,

but its really me.

In Spring leaves grow

love grows

In summer love survives

Bugs commit suicide on my windshield as I drive,

tears in my eyes.

In autumn leaves fall.

I fall

In winter I die.

I drive away, nothing in my eyes

cold n numb

snowflakes commit suicide on my windshield

as I drive toward the living season.

The last day of my loving you

is at hand.

In my hand a pen

writing my last poem

exclusively yours.

My pain fades

as my love does

and changes

as autumn does.

Winter too intense a season

to miss someone in.

The last leaf fell today

My rings in a box

The first snow

falls tonight.

This is it, this poem

the graveyard of love

where I will bury us

once and for all.

                                               For New Love                                              

Help me, my friend

dust me off

feed me warmth

you are comfort.

Let me lean on you

til I can stand alone.

I will stand taller then...

because of your love.

Because my friends are still there

neglected and rejected

while I gave away my precious moments to him

what a fool was I.

I'm past the point

of going quietly crazy

I am getting noisy now.

And you my friend

a secret longing of mine

I would like you to like me

but

I would love you to love me

but I know it perhaps cant ever be

and thats ok

Whats a kiss between friends anyway?

or anything more

I needed your touch

and you touched me

thats enough

but

Whats a friend between kisses?

Thats my worry

The layers I've wrapped around my pain

are growing thin.

And as the memory of your light fades,

my nights are lit by electric bulbs

I can not sleep...afraid of the dark.

I am afraid I will run out of poems

before I run out of pain

or of love

and soon I will be free...

no more insanity

no more insomnia

no more creative energy wasted

and maybe you can be there

my friend

to blow on my butterfly wings

to dry the dampness

and the newness

so I can fly.

and just maybe

by then

we might fly together

noone knows

but God... :-)