Love Finds you When you Cease Looking
A little over a year and a half ago, my friend Justin put out a casting call for a local horror movie that was being filmed in and around the Tamaqua area. I found the call for people to be "zombies" very intriguing and decided to take part, since I knew it would be fun, something new for me, and another way to explore a new venue in the arts. I had a great time, being done up in make-up, learning how to "act" like an undead, and taking part in the acting, filming, and ultimately the seeing of the behind the scenes activities coming together to make a movie. I met TJ that first day, as he shuttled us back and forth from the woods to the make-up trailer. Justin had already told me much about his friend TJ, about the discussion of the script Justin had written years earlier, but also about the person TJ was...an artist, musician, budding scientist and inventor, being educated and having a doctorate. Of course I was exposed to him only occasionally throughout the filming, which carried over into the summer of 2013 as well. I remember most just his friendly smile. We talked briefly on Facebook occasionally, about the film...sometimes art or music.
TJ crossed my mind here and there. I found him to be a very interesting individual. Of course my thoughts never went farther than that, as he had a domestic attachment anyway. Months wore on. I learned through mutual friends that he was alone at last, and pursuing work out of state...a dangerous job of climbing and working on cell and radio towers. We continued exchanging pleasantries here and there. Sometimes I felt close to him, seeing as he seemed to be hurting alot over situations and things of that nature.
The time came this past October for our movie to be shown in Angela Theatre to a limited crowd of people...mostly participants actually. I'll never forget him making an entrance in this wild plaid suit, a red bow tie and dark sunglasses. His animated behavior, and that smile...it was a night to remember for all of us who took part.
Autumn and Winter came...the coldest Winter in years. I was busy working on my own projects and basically on myself as a person. After so many awful heartbreaks and abusive, sad situations in my life, I was free and determined to stay that way. A couple times over that 2 years I came close to considering allowing the opposite sex to get near, but in the end, it didn't feel right, and frankly, I just didn't want it. I STILL didn't want it...at all...up until a short few weeks ago. I busied myself teaching my little art class for kids, and volunteering in my community with different things. I succeeded in overcoming stage fright and played and sang at the art center, and even had a real gig at Stonehedge last summer. I was happiest I'd ever been in my life.
A large monetary donation to the center allowed for central air to be installed and a grand-spankin new stage to be built for our musicians and drama to use. There was talk of an event at the end of February...a dedication of the stage, music, etc. TJ kept crossing my mind. How nice it would be to show him what we offer at the center since he was home on winter lay-off anyway, and I toyed for several weeks with the idea of inviting him as my guest. Oh I was scared to ask. I wasn't raised to do the asking, but its 2014. What could possibly be wrong with a woman inviting a man on a date? Finally I got the nerve to ask him, very sure he would not be interested and make an excuse. But he accepted with enthusiasm! He said he'd be honored to accompany me and to consider it a fun evening.
What transpired next continues to baffle me a bit. If I was asking him "as a friend" as I'd specified, why then was I suddenly feeling so excited?
Well, we began talking on Facebook nearly every night...then every day and night...getting to know each other. Something happened...I don't know quite how...but we started seeing common things with one another...beliefs, ideas, desires for life, art, music, things having to do with just about every facet of living. An affection started to grow. A definite chemistry was present. Through all the talking we both insisted to eachother, as well as friends and family, that there would never be romantic relationships returning to our lives with others. It became a playful daily discussion about ways to fend off the Valentines Day cupid...ways to murder him even lol. In all honesty, I don't know who we were trying to convince more...others or ourselves. One night talking he invited me to join him at the pub for a beer, but I was unable to go. After more nights of talking, we decided we would go on a Saturday night.
I was incredibly nervous walking in, and I later learned, so was he as he sat there waiting. He masked his nervousness in his usual way, talking in an animated fashion, fast at first, but eventually slowing down. We talked for several hours over our Guinnesses. The colorful stories of his life and times fascinated me, but it was the kind and gentle heart and soul inside him, that resonated with me. There was no touch, and no talk of "us"...just a very pleasant evening chatting and listening to music. But I had this undeniable intuition while sitting there with him, that we were somehow destined...that this night was simply a stepping stone into something that would continue on and on. I didn't say that, and neither did he, but it was an unmistakable sense. He insisted on walking me home blocks and blocks through the newly fallen snow. A perfect gentleman, a simple hug before he left. I watched him walk down my alley and called out to him, saying Thankyou when he was halfway down.
Something happened in that pub that night. That fictional cupid character we both dreaded, must have been there with us, arrows ready. That evening I could not sleep...could not chase him from my thoughts. Our following conversations turned to more serious subjects...things that are important in relationships. Details and feelings. Like the ebb of a tide, I felt we were being washed away. As I succombed to the emotions, so did he. This was a beautiful soul I had crossed paths with. The wonderful soul that poetry and literature promises...the soul that is like your own. The soul great writers write about...whom musicians feel in their hearts while writing music, the soul an artist trickles down from his heart, to his hand as he paints.
He wrote that the cupid had struck him...he'd struck me too.
Whirlwind romance is common among teenagers and celebrities. It is something that commonly ends in failure because it is based in lust. But this feels so different. It feels like the communication between souls, between two people...two people who are good and have been crushed time and time again...and who desire the same things. Its akin to being lost for an entire lifetime, then finding your home. It is an undescribable feeling...one I am unfamiliar with after all these years of struggles, but one which just feels "right."
Honesty and sharing...priceless in this situation. The bravery to explicitly describe what one wants out of life, and if given, a relationship.
I feel I have found my soulmate...I have somehow stumbled upon a simple man, but whom is an intricate design. I love everything about him. He is zany, intelligent, down to earth, good-hearted. He's kind, loving, sensitive. He's got a colorful personality...kind of crazy, definitely unique. These are the things I've searched for...someone who will allow me to chase my dreams, while trusting me to let him chase his. He is passionate about his art: paintings, music, inventions. He looks "off the wall" at times...and I absolutely can't get enough of it. He inspires me. He is the piece of the puzzle that I accepted long ago, was lost forever.
The best thing, perhaps, is that he looks into MY heart and soul. He sees who I was created to be...not what time and misfortune has made me. He sees the love I am looking for, but also to give. He sees me.
And now we belong to one another...
TJ crossed my mind here and there. I found him to be a very interesting individual. Of course my thoughts never went farther than that, as he had a domestic attachment anyway. Months wore on. I learned through mutual friends that he was alone at last, and pursuing work out of state...a dangerous job of climbing and working on cell and radio towers. We continued exchanging pleasantries here and there. Sometimes I felt close to him, seeing as he seemed to be hurting alot over situations and things of that nature.
The time came this past October for our movie to be shown in Angela Theatre to a limited crowd of people...mostly participants actually. I'll never forget him making an entrance in this wild plaid suit, a red bow tie and dark sunglasses. His animated behavior, and that smile...it was a night to remember for all of us who took part.
Autumn and Winter came...the coldest Winter in years. I was busy working on my own projects and basically on myself as a person. After so many awful heartbreaks and abusive, sad situations in my life, I was free and determined to stay that way. A couple times over that 2 years I came close to considering allowing the opposite sex to get near, but in the end, it didn't feel right, and frankly, I just didn't want it. I STILL didn't want it...at all...up until a short few weeks ago. I busied myself teaching my little art class for kids, and volunteering in my community with different things. I succeeded in overcoming stage fright and played and sang at the art center, and even had a real gig at Stonehedge last summer. I was happiest I'd ever been in my life.
A large monetary donation to the center allowed for central air to be installed and a grand-spankin new stage to be built for our musicians and drama to use. There was talk of an event at the end of February...a dedication of the stage, music, etc. TJ kept crossing my mind. How nice it would be to show him what we offer at the center since he was home on winter lay-off anyway, and I toyed for several weeks with the idea of inviting him as my guest. Oh I was scared to ask. I wasn't raised to do the asking, but its 2014. What could possibly be wrong with a woman inviting a man on a date? Finally I got the nerve to ask him, very sure he would not be interested and make an excuse. But he accepted with enthusiasm! He said he'd be honored to accompany me and to consider it a fun evening.
What transpired next continues to baffle me a bit. If I was asking him "as a friend" as I'd specified, why then was I suddenly feeling so excited?
Well, we began talking on Facebook nearly every night...then every day and night...getting to know each other. Something happened...I don't know quite how...but we started seeing common things with one another...beliefs, ideas, desires for life, art, music, things having to do with just about every facet of living. An affection started to grow. A definite chemistry was present. Through all the talking we both insisted to eachother, as well as friends and family, that there would never be romantic relationships returning to our lives with others. It became a playful daily discussion about ways to fend off the Valentines Day cupid...ways to murder him even lol. In all honesty, I don't know who we were trying to convince more...others or ourselves. One night talking he invited me to join him at the pub for a beer, but I was unable to go. After more nights of talking, we decided we would go on a Saturday night.
I was incredibly nervous walking in, and I later learned, so was he as he sat there waiting. He masked his nervousness in his usual way, talking in an animated fashion, fast at first, but eventually slowing down. We talked for several hours over our Guinnesses. The colorful stories of his life and times fascinated me, but it was the kind and gentle heart and soul inside him, that resonated with me. There was no touch, and no talk of "us"...just a very pleasant evening chatting and listening to music. But I had this undeniable intuition while sitting there with him, that we were somehow destined...that this night was simply a stepping stone into something that would continue on and on. I didn't say that, and neither did he, but it was an unmistakable sense. He insisted on walking me home blocks and blocks through the newly fallen snow. A perfect gentleman, a simple hug before he left. I watched him walk down my alley and called out to him, saying Thankyou when he was halfway down.
Something happened in that pub that night. That fictional cupid character we both dreaded, must have been there with us, arrows ready. That evening I could not sleep...could not chase him from my thoughts. Our following conversations turned to more serious subjects...things that are important in relationships. Details and feelings. Like the ebb of a tide, I felt we were being washed away. As I succombed to the emotions, so did he. This was a beautiful soul I had crossed paths with. The wonderful soul that poetry and literature promises...the soul that is like your own. The soul great writers write about...whom musicians feel in their hearts while writing music, the soul an artist trickles down from his heart, to his hand as he paints.
He wrote that the cupid had struck him...he'd struck me too.
Whirlwind romance is common among teenagers and celebrities. It is something that commonly ends in failure because it is based in lust. But this feels so different. It feels like the communication between souls, between two people...two people who are good and have been crushed time and time again...and who desire the same things. Its akin to being lost for an entire lifetime, then finding your home. It is an undescribable feeling...one I am unfamiliar with after all these years of struggles, but one which just feels "right."
Honesty and sharing...priceless in this situation. The bravery to explicitly describe what one wants out of life, and if given, a relationship.
I feel I have found my soulmate...I have somehow stumbled upon a simple man, but whom is an intricate design. I love everything about him. He is zany, intelligent, down to earth, good-hearted. He's kind, loving, sensitive. He's got a colorful personality...kind of crazy, definitely unique. These are the things I've searched for...someone who will allow me to chase my dreams, while trusting me to let him chase his. He is passionate about his art: paintings, music, inventions. He looks "off the wall" at times...and I absolutely can't get enough of it. He inspires me. He is the piece of the puzzle that I accepted long ago, was lost forever.
The best thing, perhaps, is that he looks into MY heart and soul. He sees who I was created to be...not what time and misfortune has made me. He sees the love I am looking for, but also to give. He sees me.
And now we belong to one another...
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