This isn't my work, but I came across it and thought it was so very beautiful and inspirational, that I had to save it here to go back to in order to read sometimes... It's by Veronica Shoffstall...
After a While
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn
I am very blessed to have made it to where I am...
from kinda a struggling dysfunctional person/family...
all the way to this woman who sometimes is a stranger even to me...
due to life and its circumstances,
I've been thrown under the train so to speak at times,
but I guess for me it was the only way to get to the other side.
Somehow these amazing ppl have been put into my life
starting a few years back with my friend James Balogach
who without even trying, and using very little words,
somehow became a voice I listened to and used to change my circumstances...
who made me believe in ME and what I deserve...lol...
and since then, little by little
its been ppl dropped into the mix here and there all along the way,
who have no real idea what they mean to me,
but sure are influences that are helping me shape my life positively.
What's really odd though is that this isn't unique...it can be anyone...
ANYONE can change their life and their outlook, their activities, their priorities.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the quality of ppl whose paths cross yours,
and to look up to those who are so worth looking up to.
And even if your own family thinks its weird or whatever
(because they just don't understand the point you are at in your awareness of life)...
plug on anyway.
Pick role models
(NOPE they are NOT just for teens and kids....adults need them too, and they don't have to be older than you, as evidenced by how much I look up to Andrew Leibenguth)...
Pick ppl to mirror who reflect the good in mankind
and the things that make the world flourish
with good will and humanity.
Just a "blurb" of feelings this afternoon. Life is good :-)
Noises behind a door Two bugs in a jar A family looking out At a family looking in Thick glass Lips move Tears fall Doesn't matter What's done is done.
writhing like soilless worms, pain glaring like a million lights from inside,
burning flesh, Cold inside and out as a thousand deaths,
then hotter than the center of a boiling pot over the fire, Shredded and grated, Nightmare unraveling, Wanting to live, Needing to die. Misery beyond conscious ability
to feel anything more or less, than the stacking up of endless moments
Every year in the month of March, we have "Earth Hour"...one hour put aside for energy conservation awareness...electric use and lights are sacrificed for one hour to raise awareness, and in turn it raises awareness of other concepts as well, such as family closeness and learning just to mention two.
Back in 2008 my little boy and I decided to "do" Earth Hour, and in turn learned some things about ourselves, each other and the environment around us.
Please enjoy my blog I wrote that year...and consider observing Earth Hour in your own home with your kids, tonight, March 23, 2013, from 8:30-9:30 PM
Tonight was when Earth Hour 2008 took place, from 8-9pm. I heard about it a few weeks ago and knew it was something I wanted to be involved with in some way. You see, I am very concerned about the earth we live on...worried actually, and feel as though it is being horribly used and abused, spent, depleted...trashed. I continue to be amazed at the number of people who don't care, or maybe do care, just not enough to put some thought into changing something. Even those who DO care enough to change something, sadly think they are just one person in a big wide world, so whatever they do will ultimately make no difference at all...so why even try.
It was this thought process that brought about the concept of Earth Hour. It is a means of bringing people together...tens of thousands of them...all over the world, and having them all do one single act of conservation, which will make them, as well as everyone observing, realize that every small candlelight is part of a far more reaching glow...one that CAN make a difference. Earth Hour is supposed to raise awareness for energy conservation and global warming, but I think it may have an even greater impact on our ideas about energy, its use and misuse.
My family has noticed that I talk more and more about "going green" and becoming someone who does not want to take from the earth without giving back...someone who does not want to take anything from the earth that I can not replace, and someone who just wants to become more as one with the earth...at peace with it.
This year I decided to start with just my own home in observing Earth Hour. I wanted to do it for my OWN satisfaction, as well as to make an impression on my six year old youngest son Nick, as he is at probably his most impressionable right now. So, a few days ago I started talking about what we were going to do Saturday night, and why. The first thing I realized in telling my kids to turn off lights, stereos and TVs when not in use, was that I myself also leave things running more than I thought. My awareness was already beginning!
The next thing I noticed was how very receptive my child was to the ideas I was presenting. I think most kids would be. Sometimes we wrongly assume that because they are taught and presented with things at school, they are truly learning them. We sometimes don't realize that as parents, we are their greatest teachers and influences, just as our children are our greatest imitators.
Tonight we turned off our lights, TV, computer and music...for one solid hour. I rushed to the store for a few candles, and got in the door just before 8 pm, when Earth Hour is set to start. There on the sofa sat my little Nicholas with eyes glued to the TV, for something he had looked forward to very impatiently all week long, was just about to come on...the Nick Kids Choice Awards. In an instant I felt a little crushed. There was a big smile on his face as he watched. I said, "It's time," lit the candles and went room to room turning every light off... everything except for the TV which Nick was watching so adoringly. I couldn't do it...I didn't have the heart. I began to feel weak and kind of ashamed...this was a moment where as a parent you do what is right, as opposed to what is more comfortable. Would my Earth Hour message be effective if I left just the TV on?
At that moment something incredible happened as I sat down, feeling defeated and saying nothing. The entire room suddenly went black except for the flicker of the candles on the table. Nick had turned off the TV entirely of his own free will!
You need to understand what this meant to me...because it is big! It meant to me, that what I had explained to my child, was understood and appreciated. It meant that even at his tender age, he had some conception of the word "sacrifice." Even bigger, it meant that where I was weak, he was strong, and made a choice to do what he did without being forced or even asked to. It meant that this whole global thing that someone had come up with, definitely impacted two lives that I was sure of: mine and my son's. It was beautiful and touching, and my heart still swells as I think about it!
So, we sat in the darkness gazing over the candles. We talked about a lot of things in that hour, and learned a lot. We talked about energy and waste, polar bears losing the ice they live on, water levels rising to where they shouldn't be, the world growing hot. We talked about our ancestors and their lack of the luxuries we enjoy today, and how they didn't waste things, especially when food, money and resources were scarce. Then we spent a lot of time making shadow animals in the flame light cast on the wall...and we laughed a lot. We watched our dog and cats stalk each other in the dark. We observed how the melting wax accumulated on the plate under the candle. Nick learned how there were three shadows cast of everything because there were three light sources, and how the shadows moved to the opposite side of the ceiling when the candles were moved. At five minutes to nine we were melting a crayon over the flame and observing what happened, and at nine PM Nick learned that a soda bottle turned upside down over the flame smothered and extinguished it, taking away its needed oxygen. We learned so much and had such fun that it was almost a shame to end our session and lesson...and then I realized it WON'T end. Nick promised to be much more aware of turning things off when not in use, as well as being aware of waste of water and food. He talked about it all the way up until I put him into bed.
I so hope that the wave of chosen darkness that swept the world tonight, makes a difference to other families just as it has my own. You know, we MUST care for our earth...especially those of us with children. We need to TEACH that skill! It is irresponsible to use, use, use and never put back.
Every one of us is a candle lighting up a small corner of our world. Everything we do, or DON'T do, makes a difference. What happened in my home tonight absolutely proves it! A little boy gave up something he really, really wanted to do, because he genuinely believed that what he was going to do instead would indeed make a difference. It is my responsibility, and everyone's as well, to keep this idea and purposeful thinking alive in my son, and all children and people.....
MY THOUGHTS ON THIS SEASON'S MEANING.... I'd like to share w/you a very touching Christmas card message I received from our art center coordinator Leona M Rega...it made me feel so warm, proud and happy inside. But first a little personal story... A couple days ago I allowed...ALLOWED... an acquaintance of mine to make me feel inadequate as a mom and a woman. This person insists women need to go back 300 yrs to when we were subservient to men and our place was in the home,kitchen and bedroom, and further thinking we should wait hand and foot, dress only for a man and never for ourselves, never touch a tool, cut a lawn, try to do car work, and even further she says any man who helps with housework is a "sissy" and that women today want to turn our men into women (lol)...but how I let her hurt me was her opinion that I should not work, but since I must as a single parent, it should be strictly 9am to 3pm while Nick is in school, that its wrong for me to work nights as a nurse, caring for another family's child while "pawning" my youngest off on his older sibling during the night...I dont know why it stirred up the anger and hurt it did in me. I tried to explain the necessity of a good job to support my family, and the pride I take in my work and also all the things I'm trying to do in addition...but she is apparently a bitter, closed minded, and slightly off balance person. She got downright nasty, and it turned heated...In a perfect little world I'd have had a model husband, perhaps be a stay at home mom, not have to work so much and be so tired all the time, always pay bills timely and with no worries etc...but thats not my reality, and once I detached myself from the sick opinions as well as this person, I saw clearly, I wouldn't really WANT all that...my life has made me who I am, all my struggles, successes and experiences. I don't have much to give others, but I try to give of myself, and I know I'm a loving mom, productive person, a good nurse and am now a valuable part of my community as well. I have wonderful kids, who even tho have some of their own struggles, are close and supportive of our family. My 21yr old son doesn't feel his little brother is pawned off on him while I work. We are supporting one another in the best ways possible so we can survive. I learned a lesson, that altho I'm the person who always tries to see others' views, and sometimes goes too far to try to understand but make them see a different view, there are just people who will always be negative, opinionated, jealous, and try to drag you down. I saw its a problem in her life and not my own... This Christmas season, I learned that the best gifts are of family and friendship, and that expressions of appreciation are more priceless than gifts to open...the message in my card from Leona was I think one of my most precious this year, coming at a moment I need to look at the fine person I know I really am....
"Dear Kathleen...It is that time of year when moms like you and me run, run, run and try to accomplish all that we can to make sure our family has the best Christmas ever. Gifts are on everyone's mind and we stretch all our pennies to make sure we don't disappoint! You Kathleen, give special gifts all the year through. You give gifts of kindness each week to your craft class children, you give the gift of patience, you behold the gift of love to those around you. You give the gift of peace in seeking harmony with others. You give the gift of selflessness, and most of all, the gifts of your time which is so precious. Thank you for sharing these gifts with me this year. I am thankful to have worked with you for the past several months...Leona"
